I went to great lengths in school to not look poor. I was so afraid that people would think my family and I were lazy, dirty, dumb or all three if they found out about our money situation. Would my friends ostracize me if they knew we had no money? Would boys want to date me? I didn’t want to find out the answers to those questions.
Agonizing over every detail of my wardrobe, shoes, backpack and accessories I tried to find things that looked more expensive than they were. I’d peel labels off my generic brand school supplies and attempt to sew Nike swooshes on my clothes. I even went so far as to ask my brother not to talk to me in high school because he didn’t hide our poverty as well as I did; which was a horrible and hurtful thing to do. At some point, which I don’t remember, I decided that I’d do whatever it takes to keep it a secret.
College is what finally snapped me out of this mentality. For the first time, it was kind of okay to not have money. Many people openly and almost proudly declared that they were a “broke college kid”. Eating affordable meals, wearing reasonably priced clothes, driving old beaters and living in crummy old houses might now be considered smart and necessary. Sure not everyone lived like this but the fact that some people did took away most of the fears I fostered for years before. I leaned into this label of “broke college kid”. A friend of mine picked out a shady but affordable 1 bedroom studio apartment which we shared for 2 years that only cost $425 per month with all utilities paid except water. Sure drug dealers lived there but it was walking distance to campus. So we slept in the kitchen/living room/entrance way/office/bedroom and were grateful to have an affordable place to live.
I saved several thousand dollars while living in that apartment and having savings and low monthly expenses felt really good. For the first time in my life I experienced some financial stability and as a result, a reduction in financial stress. It was around this time that I decided, if given the choice, I would rather be wealthy than look wealthy. Any vehicle nicer than a Great-grandma hand-me-down station wagon was nice enough for me. I could look cute enough in thrift store clothes lacking swooshes. It no longer mattered if I had a bathroom door knob or not, girls would still talk to me and I could get a date. This freed me up to pursue what did matter to me; financial stability and independence. It was worth it to me to look broke for a few years to build a foundation for my finances.
Make no mistake about it, it is difficult to face those fears about appearing poor. I still feel occasional pangs of embarrassment and shame about my car and clothes if I’m talking to someone with a really nice car and nice clothes, but it’s manageable now and I’m not going to let it compromise my goals. If your goal is to be wealthy and look wealthy then that’s great, go for it. What I can tell you is that it is a lot easier to build wealth if you give up caring about what others think of you along the way.